Jagged Little Pill

The Taste of Salt, by Martha Southgate, is about Josie Henderson, a woman who grows up with an alcoholic father and a brother who later develops his own addiction to drugs and alcohol.  As a successful marine biologist Josie sees herself as detatched from the dysfunction of her childhood.  She went to college, earned an advanced degree, and moved from her native Cleveland to Woods Hole, MA.   She has a dream job researching and working in the ocean that fascinated her as a child, and she is married a man who adores her. 

When Josie's brother gets out of rehab for the second time she grudgingly volunteers to return home to pick him up.  It is clear that she resents the imposition of her old life into her new one, and she is unable to relate to the choices that her brother and father have made.  That is until she begins an affair with a colleague.  In describing her attraction to this man, it is clear how much her attraction to him represents an addiction. 

Josie is drawn to him without regard for the feelings of others, and she initiates a relationship with him without thinking about anything beyond her present desire.  Even when she feels the man pulling away, she is unable to let go because she is trying to recapture the feelings of their initial meeting.  However, one of the weaknesses of the book is that the end of their relationship is a little too neat.  It is almost as if her brother had woken up one day and decided not to use cocaine or drink any longer.  Most times it's not that easy.

When I look back on my relationships I notice that I have dated a disproportionate number of men with addicts as parents (and addictive tendencies themselves). I have been with black and Latino men across the educational and occupational spectrum and the trend remains consistent regardless of social status.  I have often wondered why.  I can drink responsibly and in moderation.  Marijuana or hard drugs have never appealed to me.  Initially I explained my tendency toward co-dependence as a result of my nurturing personality.   I told myself that I am attracted to men who I feel that I need to mother. However, after reading The Taste of Salt, I have realized that this is an explanation that flatters me-but may not be entirely accurate.

In reality, I have addictive tendencies too (and like Josie, I am not in a position to judge).  I am addicted to food, which is the worst thing to be addicted to since you need it to survive.  I prefer to eat healthy foods but I definitely live to eat, rather than eat to live.  Moderation is not my friend.

Furthermore, many of my relationships have been forms of addictions.  I know because I remained in contact with certain people long after I stopped liking or respecting them.  They were bad habits masquerading as friends. I had one for when I was feeling bad and wanted to feel worse.  One for when I wanted intellectual stimulation.  One for when I wanted to feel attractive.  One for when I was bored at work.  Thankfully, as they say in recovery,  the first step is admitting you have a problem . . .