I'm a Lucky Girl!

"When do we start?"

Huh? No greeting? No initial compliment designed to catch my attention and signal that the games had begun. Simply . . .

"When do we start?" 

Roberto's first message on match.com gave me the impression that he was talking to several women at once and getting us mixed up (he swears he wasn't).  Consequently,  I didn't approach him with the wild romanticism that had been my hallmark. However, he was handsome and he messaged me first so I responded. 

Our first messages were pretty standard internet dating fare: exaggerating how much we exercise, talking about favorite restaurants and tv shows, pretending that we exited all of our past relationships with grace, and that all doors had been closed kindly, but firmly behind us.

He set up our first date right away (in the realm of internet dating if you don't meet right away you risk falling for a figment of your imagination). He was at the restaurant before I was and I saw him sitting by the window.  He gave me a cursory head nod through the glass, and when I sat down his body language told me that he was not interested. I feared that I would not see him again, but he slowly warmed up and then he asked,

"When am I going to see you again?"

In the year since our first date Roberto and I have had plenty of adventures.  The thing that I appreciate the most about him is that he is an introvert like I am, but he researches and plans interesting, fun things for us to do.  We have been to Broadway plays and dine in movie theaters; outlet shopping and a trip to the Poconos. We have walked across The Brooklyn Bridge and visited every Botanical Garden in the city.  We have travelled to Brooklyn just for ice cream and visited every playground recommended by Timeout New York and Mommy Poppins. Roberto's investment of time in our relationship and his desire to please me is what makes him special. 

I would like to be able to share a secret formula for landing a man like Roberto; a list of dos and don'ts for being in a good relationship. Unfortunately, I have no such wisdom to share. Timing worked in our favor.  Like every relationship, we have bad days when the consequences of our prior relationship choices make life challenging. At times our children struggle to understand where they fit in with each other.  Occasionally, he speaks to me in his cop voice, I respond in my teacher voice and he gets scared and backs down (ha ha).  However, through difficult transitions I have never seen him lose his temper.  That’s what makes him such a good cop.  He understands the art of negotiation. 

My life was good before Roberto and it has only become more full since he has come into it. Here's to another amazing year!

Roberto made this video to celebrate our first year together!

Gloria Naylor January 25 1950- September 28, 2016

Now, I’m gonna tell you about cool.  It comes with the cultural territory: the beating of the bush drum, the rocking of the slave ship, the rhythm of the hand going from cotton sack to cotton row and back again.  It went on to settle into the belly of the blues, the arms of Jackie Robinson, and the head of every ghetto kid who lives to a ripe old age.  You can keep it, you can hide it, you can blow it  - but even when your ass is in the tightest crack, you must never, ever, LOSE it.

-Gloria Naylor, Mama Day

The Past Is The Present

I remember being in high school when The Lion King debuted on Broadway.  I was at a friend's house when her mother returned home from opening night.  We asked her opinion of the show and her response was "It was good; it wasn't embarrassing."  I remember feeling relieved but also struck by how low the barometer for art featuring black people had fallen.  Whether or not something was "embarrassing" defined its value. 

Unfortunately, twenty years later embarrassment lurks around every digital corner.  On one television station women shaped like bottom heavy Barbie dolls argue over who is the "baddest bitch."  On another, politicians use thinly disguised code words to speak about us, but not to us.  Social media is no less treacherous as we mindlessly "like"and repost videos of black men taking their last breaths and women hawking detox tea,  waist trainers, teeth whiteners and wigs.  We are reduced to our body parts: asses, teeth, hair and bleeding hearts, as we have been throughout history.  As Solange says, "I'm weary of the ways of the world."

As the media is fixated with Nate Parker and his mediocre film Birth of a Nation, Ava DuVernay has debuted both a documentary and a television show on Netflix and OWN respectively.  13th and Queen Sugar are both beautiful and painful works of art that reflect the complexity of being black in America.

I might be the only person who didn't love DuVernay's movie Selma, but 13th is truly masterful.  It's not that DuVernay presents any "new" information about race and the criminal justice system in this film, but the way that she provides historical context to a contemporary problem is what makes it compelling.  The documentary seeks to explain why a nation with only 5% of the world's population  has 25% of the world's prison population.  Her project is to examine the implications of the fact that the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution banned slavery except in the case of those convicted of a crime.  It traces the progression from slavery to chain gangs; from black codes to the suppression of the Civil Rights Movement; from the War on Drugs to the expansion of the criminal justice system.  Interestingly, she describes "crimmigration," or  the current trend of detaining and criminalizing immigration as part of this continuum.

One of the most disturbing parts of this documentary is a montage where Donald Trump's comments about "the good old days" are layered over footage of Civil Rights activists being attacked in the 1950's and 60's, and scenes of protestors being assaulted during his rallies today.  The film makes it clear that the language (and subtext) that Trump is using to galvanize white voters has a long history.  Make no mistake, 13th is not an political ad for the Democratic Party.  The blame for mass levels of incarceration caused by The Three Strikes Law, mandatory minimums and the militarization of police is placed squarely on the shoulders of Bill Clinton.  

Although the topic of this documentary is heartbreaking, DuVernay uses a diverse group of academics and activists to tell the story.  Black intellectuals including Angela Davis, Michelle Alexander, Henry Louis Gates Jr., and  Van Jones ensure that the picture of black America painted by the film is reflective of the diversity of our community.  If I didn't know with 100% certainty that I would be fired for showing this film, it would be part of my American History Social Studies curriculum.  It is a must see.

On a (somewhat) lighter note, this summer I enjoyed Greenleaf on OWN,  and Queen Sugar is even better.  Loosely based on the novel by Natalie Baszile,  Queen Sugar is the story of  three siblings who reunite after the death of their father, a struggling sugarcane farmer.  The story is set in Louisiana and captures the family's attempt to produce a crop while negotiating their relationships with each other.  DuVernay uses this story to explore social issues such as sexual consent, gender identity, and the criminalization of black men.  It portrays the complexity of black love, both familial and romantic.   The characters are deeply flawed, but they are complicated and multi-dimensional.  They engage with their environment, rather than simply absorbing and reacting to the negative aspects of it.  

Rutina Wesley annoyed the heck out of me chasing after Sookie in Trueblood, but she is excellent in Queen Sugar

It's not Huxtable like perfection I seek in art, but depth and range.  DuVernay's work makes it safe to turn on the computer and television again.

Nikki-Rosa

childhood remembrances are always a drag   

if you’re Black 

you always remember things like living in Woodlawn   

with no inside toilet 

and if you become famous or something 

they never talk about how happy you were to have   

your mother 

all to yourself and 

how good the water felt when you got your bath   

from one of those 

big tubs that folk in chicago barbecue in   

and somehow when you talk about home   

it never gets across how much you 

understood their feelings 

as the whole family attended meetings about Hollydale 

and even though you remember 

your biographers never understand 

your father’s pain as he sells his stock   

and another dream goes 

And though you’re poor it isn’t poverty that 

concerns you 

and though they fought a lot 

it isn’t your father’s drinking that makes any difference   

but only that everybody is together and you 

and your sister have happy birthdays and very good   

Christmases 

and I really hope no white person ever has cause   

to write about me 

because they never understand 

Black love is Black wealth and they’ll 

probably talk about my hard childhood 

and never understand that 

all the while I was quite happy

-Nikki Giovanni