Every Goodbye Aint Gone

My last class at The Storefront

Yesterday, in the middle of English class a 6th grader blurted out, "Ms. Cardwell, are you coming back next year?"  It was a reasonable question considering the amount of change students, families, and staff have had to endure at The Storefront over the past few years. I paused and then decided to answer honestly. "No," I said.  "You're playing with us.  You've been here forever.  You love us too much to leave us," one replied. My heart sank with those words as it does again as I write this. I do love the students at The Storefront very much, but I am leaving.  As I'm sure we've all experienced at one point in our lives or another, sometimes love is not enough.

As the educational landscape of Harlem has changed, the vision of The Storefront has become less clear to me. Are we a public school, a charter school, or an independent school? How does that impact the way that we teach and the way that we discipline?  When you are a teacher, you absorb the stress, anxiety and pain of your students.  Often these feelings manifest as disrespect toward adults and peers, and decreased motivation to complete academic work.  Although teachers become adept at conflict resolution, resilience, and forgiveness, the noise and drama begins to wear on us after a while.  Either that or it becomes accepted and expected, which is even more dangerous.

Leaving The Storefront causes me a mix of emotions: sadness, guilt, fear, and excitement for the future. I regret that students who have graduated will not come back to The Storefront and see a familiar face, but I am aware that I need to change and grow.

As I near the end of more than a decade at The Storefront, I want to thank:

• My family and friends who have helped me balance being a teacher and a mother, while having fun doing it.
• All of the people I have worked with over the years who have inspired me with their passion, humor, and skill. You have become friends as well as co-workers. 
• The parents who trusted me with the education of their children.
• My students who taught me about life and literature, and made me laugh until I cried at least once a day. Their projects, presentations, papers and participation have demonstrated that, at their best, Storefront students can compete with any student in the world. 

I am proud of all of the work that we have done together. I am proud of each of the students that I have taught, whether they are pursuing a Master's Degree, raising children, or struggling to find direction. 

Although, I will not be working in Harlem anymore, it is still my home. I will  continue to be a part of their lives. I hope that what I have taught them about the power of fabulosity and the peril of foolishness has made a difference.