One of my new favorite television shows is American Crime on
ABC. In one extremely powerful scene, a
daughter tells her father, “you hate yourself and you hate us for looking like
you.” This line resonated with me because of two crazy conversations that I had with men this week.
Crazy Conversation Number One:
The other night I was on the phone with an old friend from school. He was telling me about how his daughter was
dating a young man that he didn’t approve of.
His daughter is Dominican and the man in question is
African-American. As he was complaining
about the ways in which the man didn’t measure up to the expectations that he had
for his child, he added, “he’s like the stereotypical black person.” When I
reminded him that I am black (I’m having to do that a lot lately) he reassured
me that he wasn’t racist, just stressed out about his daughter. Then he told me that all of his black friends
preferred Latina women because they knew how to “take care of their men.”
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| Current Mood: Pissed off (but still fashionable) |
Huh? How did we go from an apology for an inappropriate comment to an indictment of black women? Who are these black men who would tell a Dominican man that they prefer his women to their own? Do Asian men have conversations with white men about how much they prefer white women over Asian? Do Latino men write books and give lectures about what Latina women need to change about themselves in order to "get a man." Or do men of other races just choose who makes them happy and keep it moving without feeling the need to advertise and justify their choice?
Crazy Conversation Number Two:
A few days ago I was talking to a man who mentioned that he
wanted to see me. When I asked him where
we were going to go on our first date he lectured me about being
“old-fashioned.” He said that if I
wanted to go out with him I should ask him on a date (and pay for it). When I told him that that wasn’t going to
happen, he said that I could cook him a plate and we could go for a walk as he
ate it.
When I laughed at that idea he
said “Don’t get offended or defensive about what I’m about to say . . . but
black women don’t know how to build up their men. Black women are the only women who still
believe in fairy tale relationships.”
Then he really went to for the jugular and said, “you are going to keep
doing what you’re doing and then wonder why you’re going through menopause and
still single.”
Did this man really just call me old and black like who I am is something that I should be ashamed of when he is just as old and black as I am? Did he just insult me because I expect that going out on actual dates (as opposed to euphemistically "hanging out") is part of the process of getting to know someone? Does he realize that creating and manipulating feelings of race based insecurity is one of the tools of white racism used against him in order to maintain control and prevent him from questioning the status quo-just as he was trying to do to me?
Probably not. And what's worse is that this fool was probably hollering about Eric Garner a few months ago. Well, guess what?
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