Dispatches From the Frontline of Online Dating

The other day I walked into 7^th grade orientation and observed a 12 year old swiping away on Tinder.   Aside from the fact that Tinder is obviously not on the list of approved educational apps, this was concerning because a boy who grows up believing that women are disposable beings to be judged solely on their looks will turn into a man with the same limited vision.  

For adults, online dating can be great; I know several couples who met on dating websites and it beats being almost 40 in the club (do people still go to clubs?)   Unfortunately, there is also a lot of foolishness occurs on the internet.  Below are a few of my observations:

There are a lot of hurt men out there:  Those who believe that men are “the stronger sex” apparently have never met anyone online.  One dude that I went of two dates with would send me short stories through text about how he had been cheated on and “didn’t feel like a man.”  Huh? If you don't feel like a man what are you doing on a date?   And more than that, what woman hasn't been cheated on?  As women we can be wounded in the most intimate ways, but we bounce back and still love like we’ve never been hurt. In short, all 'bag ladies' aren't women.

Beware of Match.com Missionaries:  The last two men that I have met online have been born-again Christians hiding major issues behind The Bible.  One, let’s call him Michael, preached to me about Abraham and Isaac over curried chicken at Cedric, and then revealed to me that he had a previously unmentioned ex-girlfriend who was claiming to be pregnant.  Unless the woman's name was Mary, I assume that she was impregnated by this scripture quoting gentleman.  He apparently saw no contradiction.

Another man sent me a screen shot of the Bible passage that he was reading but neglected to notice that he was also sending me his buddy list with ten other women he was currently having conversations with.  He insisted that in heaven there would be no relationships since we would all be married to Jesus, and he was just doing that here on earth by cultivating a collection of "friends."  When I told him that women were paying $50.00 a month to find a man, not a friend,  his joking response was "I'm trying to give them one," (referring to Jesus).  Since when is The Bible the Player's Handbook?

Black Jesus always needs a flock

Dating is a lost art:  I didn’t understand the importance of dates until I was in my 30’s (Thanks,  John Marshall).  Spending all day on the phone with someone creates a false sense of intimacy, and just "meeting up" at someone's house is for childless women in their 20's.  Whether a man is willing to put in the time, effort, and expense planning something is a good indication of whether or not he is serious about you.  On man suggested that I cook for him and he could eat while we walked around the block getting to know each other.  Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.

Going on a date doesn't ensure that you will end up together, but it does ensure that if you don't become a couple, you will still have some fun memories.  And sorry, Starbucks doesn’t count.   

For some, the honeymoon never ends:  As fun as dating is, if you meet online you have to accept that you can go on a perfect date with someone and never see them again.  The Internet can breed chronically unsatisfied people who are constantly on the lookout for someone better.  There are also some men who live for the honeymoon stage, just not with the same person.  The honeymoon stage is great! Why move past it if you never have to? A shiny new person is only a click away.

The closet still exists:  I’m just going to leave that there . . .Well, actually, I'm not.  I had a revelation the other day while watching the Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion (it happens).  Everyone on stage was trying to "out" Nikko because he is in his 40's without kids.  Margauex made a good point (which was lost on the audience) by saying that judging (and shaming) someone's sexuality based on surface characteristics is what keeps black men on the DL and in the closet.  HOWEVER, if a man asks you "why everyone thinks that he's the cute bi-sexual guy" without prompting, you may be dealing with a "cute bi-sexual guy."  As with everything, it's important to trust your intuition.

And continue to believe in love . . .