The Pool Test: Everyone Drowns

Photo: Chapman University

I admit that reality television is my guilty pleasure.  It is an escape into a world where weaves are always fresh, no one has to wake up at 6am in order to get to work, and children are seldom seen and never heard. There is comfort in being able to envy the lives of women who don't seem to worry about money, while shaking my head at their unchecked emotion and questionable decision making.  I may have spent too much money at dinner this weekend or have to worry about the expense of taking Chloe to the dentist- but at least I don't jump around ripping people's hairpieces off.  I'm not like those women, or at least, that's what I tell myself . . .

I understand that the shows I watch are both racist and misogynistic, but I justify it by asserting that I am  watching with a critical eye- I am a student of ratchetism seeking to understand how these men and women are playing roles that were created generations before them.  However, something that I read a few weeks ago convinced me that it's time to turn the channel. This is one of the most disturbing and hurtful sentiments that I have read in a long time, and I've been unable to get the words out of my mind.

"I'm kinda racist . . . I don't like dark butts . . .  You know how some women prefer light skin men or dark skin men.  It's rare that I do dark butts - that's what I call dark-skinned women . . . I [don't date women] darker than me. I love the pool test. If you can jump in the pool exactly like you are and you don't come out looking better than you looked before going in the pool - then that's not a good look. Any woman that uses brown gel to set down her baby hair is not poppin'!!!"

Berg's "love" interest on the show; apparently she looks good getting out of the pool . . . 

The creator of this 'pool test' (a modern day 'paper bag test') is Yung Berg.  Apparently,  when he is not being a white supremacist he moonlights as a rap producer (seems like the same job these days).  Yung Berg made these comments before he was cast in the latest edition of Love and Hip Hop.  Nonetheless,  producer Mona Scott (a woman that Berg probably would consider a 'dark-butt' if she tried to date him) decided to make him a heart-throb and put money in his pocket.  When asked about his previous comments in pre-show publicity, Berg did not apologize.  

So let me get this straight . . . a young man tells the world that he doesn't like black women, and a black woman gives him a job?  Huh?   It is acceptable for us to be enraged by white racism while stubbornly clinging to our own?

Firelei Baéz "Can I pass? Introducing the paper bag test to the fan test for the month of February"

I refuse to contribute in any small way to television shows that feature participants who not only have a color complex, but are brazen in asserting their right to be racist by claiming it as a "preference".    All racism is a preference, and this kind of psychic violence is just as harmful as the kind that manifests itself physically.   Therefore, I am making a vow to restrict my consumption of reality television (and brown gel will forever remain one of my beauty staples).

Brown Gel+ a hard brush + scarf = magic

Luckily there are several other shows featuring black characters that I have been enjoying:

Boardwalk Empire:  I'm sad that Chalky White is dead, but glad that he at least had a graceful and dignified exit from the show.  I'm now watching for Jeffrey Wright as Dr. Valentin Narcisse, who was the perfect foil for Chalky. My one complaint is that critics have likened Dr. Narcisse to black nationalist leader Marcus Garvey.  Marcus  Garvey was neither a pimp nor a drug dealer so there should be no comparison. My hope is that in the final season, the writers give Dr. Narcisse more back story and explore how he justifies the contradiction between his political philosophy and his occupation. Is engaging in immoral behavior acceptable if it leads to personal enrichment?  (Perhaps Mona Scott should ask herself the same question.)

Period fashion done correctly!

American Horror Story Freakshow: I didn't watch the previous seasons of American Horror Story, but have become obsessed with the current one.  It takes place in Jupiter Florida, in 1952, at a time in America when the popularity of television was beginning to make the Freakshow a thing of the past.    It is interesting to watch how the writers posit the members of this traveling circus as a persecuted minority seeking acceptance in mainstream society-complete with scenes of them integrating a lunch counter.  The show is dark, twisted, and funny.  Everything from the period fashion to the musical score and the prosthetics is interesting to watch.

Check out Angela Basset as The Three Breasted Woman

The Knick: The first season of this period drama this tells the story of doctors at The Knickerbocker Hospital at the turn of the 20th century.   The show has received mixed reviews, but I love it.  As doctors track and treat Syphilis, Typhoid and Meningitis,  I am reminded of the current panic over the Ebola virus.  It is interesting how immigrants are labeled as unclean, animal-like purveyors of disease in both cases.  Another captivating storyline is that of Dr. Algernon Edwards a black doctor, trained in Paris, who is seeking to establish his place in the medical world.  Watching Dr. Algernon, played by Andre Holland, navigate assumptions of inferiority while creating his own underground clinic is thrilling.   It is like watching The Vet in Ellison's Invisible Man before he went 'crazy' and became dangerous.  Unfortunately, Dr. Edwards is a bit of a too much of a magical negro, and his storyline seems to exist in order to initiate the moral development of the man character, played by Clive Owens.

Andre Holland is an actor to watch

Blackish: I've never been a fan of Anthony Anderson and I can't say that I've ever watched a full episode of Girlfriends, but I love this show!  It literally makes me laugh out loud and the social politics are spot on (in terms of both racial and gender politics).  When Andre is lauded for coming to work late after being at his child's school, while his co-worker Candace is told to be more responsible I had to giggle.   It's nice to finally have a show that I can watch with Chloe; no more rushing her out of the room or covering her eyes.  My one gripe that Laurence Fishburn seems terribly under utilized.

Photo: ABC

My intention was to write about anti-blackness in reality television and to offer alternatives.  However, when I finished I realized that the only brown-skinned leading lady on any of these shows is Angela Bassett- and she is playing a three breasted hermaphrodite!  In the other shows the love interests include two mixed race women and a white woman. It appears that whether we're talking about reality television, high-brow dramas, or scripted comedies many of us are still drowning in a pool invisibility.

Leading Ladies and Love Interests